I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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