hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
