Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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