God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
