zippers are such a cool invention
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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