Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
