I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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