Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
