Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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