Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You took a bar mat shot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
