his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So vagazzling was a success
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
