My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
