i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Mom said you looked used
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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