Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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