There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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