Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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