I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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