i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
