Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize