can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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