After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
