so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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