hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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