Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
