I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
