You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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