I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
