he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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