Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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