she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
