its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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