Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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