I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
