I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.