Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole