i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups