The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.