Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights