So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
