Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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