Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
