i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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