Only a mothe r could love this liver
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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