Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you had me at cake vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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