I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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