You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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