bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
