I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
