im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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