Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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