Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
