so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
