i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
