i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
