i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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