Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
