you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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