I have demons in me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
