Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
