i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
