i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
