Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he shaved USA in his pubs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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