Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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