Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
