No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
