he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
