This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
