There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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