***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
