why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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