My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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