There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
